The Lie We Tell Ourselves About Being “Fine”
“I’m fine.” It’s one of the most common phrases we use, and one of the most misunderstood. Not because we are dishonest people, but because we are tired humans. Busy humans. Mentally exhausted humans. So we say we’re fine, even when the truth is more complicated than that. We say it to avoid reality. We say it to disregard the need for a pause and reflection. We say it because slowing down to evaluate feels uncomfortable. And then we keep going.
The word "fine" is my most dreaded 4 letter F word. Those that know me, know this to be true. I hear it being used and I welcome it as a moment to dig deeper.
“Fine” is often where burnout, anxiety, grief, and emotional exhaustion quietly take shelter. It becomes a cover story we repeat because we want to believe it ourselves.
Science tells us something sobering about this habit of using "fine" as a filter for reality.
According to the American Psychological Association, more than three quarters of adults report regular stress that affects their physical or mental health.
The World Health Organization now recognizes burnout as the result of chronic, unmanaged stress.
Research from Harvard Medical School shows that people routinely underreport emotional distress, even in private assessments. We are far more overwhelmed than we admit, not only to others, but to ourselves.
There is a neurological reason for this. When stress increases, the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for detecting threat, becomes more active. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, which handles reflection, logic, and emotional processing, becomes less accessible. In other words, when life feels heavy, our brains push us into survival mode. We don’t pause to examine how we feel. We push forward and allow "fine" to drive. We minimize what hurts. We normalize what is not normal. We tell ourselves we’re fine because stopping feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
The problem is that living in that state for too long comes at a cost. We slowly lose touch with ourselves. We stop checking in honestly. We stop noticing when something is wrong. We stop believing that we are allowed to need support. We avoid reaching out to our support squad and having an honest conversation.
And ironically, the people who fall into this pattern most often are the strongest among us. Leaders. Caregivers. High performers. The ones others rely on. Psychologists call this high-functioning distress. On the outside, everything appears steady. "It's fine. I'm fine. Everything will be fine." You know the drill. Work gets done. Responsibilities are handled. Smiles are offered. On the inside, something feels tight. Heavy. Tired. Yet the internal dialogue sounds familiar: others have it worse, I should be grateful, I don’t have time to fall apart, I’ll deal with this later. I'm "FINE".
This is where the message of KFG often gets misunderstood. Keeping Freaking Going was never meant to be about ignoring pain, silencing emotion, or pushing through at the expense of your health. It was never about pretending everything is okay (I am talking to all of my "fake it till you make it peeps) or proving how tough you are. KFG is not about numbing yourself to life. It is about moving forward honestly.
Sometimes that honesty sounds like, “I’m not fine, but I’m still going.” Sometimes it sounds like, “I’m overwhelmed and I need help.” Sometimes it sounds like, “This season is hard, and I am choosing not to quit.” That is resilience. That is strength. That is leadership.
This is the power of Name It To Tame It. Studies in neuroscience show that simply naming what we feel reduces activity in the brain’s fear center and helps regulate emotions. Talking about stress lowers cortisol levels and speeds emotional recovery. Small, intentional actions restore a sense of control when life feels chaotic. Not dramatic changes. Just honest ones. One conversation. One boundary. One walk. One deep breath. One next step forward.
Strength does not require silence. It requires awareness. It requires compassion for yourself. It requires the courage to admit when something hurts and the commitment to keep moving anyway.
Imagine how different our lives might feel if instead of defaulting to “I’m fine,” we said something truer.
“I’m working through something.”
“This is a heavy season.”
“I’m not okay yet, but I will be.”
“I am human.”
And then we KFG. We keep freaking going. Not hardened. Not disconnected. Not pretending. But real. Grounded. Honest. Human. ALIVE.
You do not have to be fine to be strong. You just have to be honest. And then, step by step, keep freaking going.
KFG my friends! You've got this because WE are in it TOGETHER!
xxoo,
Krista
I’m Krista Ryan
My job is to help you learn a little, laugh a lot, and get clear on action steps for your success.
It may have taken a life changing event to shake me awake and decide I no longer wanted to live a comfortable life… I wanted to embrace the discomfort and live a life of courage and intention.
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